Breathe and Release

There are some days that feel satisfying, like putting the last piece of a puzzle in and lovingly patting it flat, just a warm, content feeling. This day was not one of those. My emotions have felt shredded, and it is unsettling. I usually analyze until I find a way through, but I haven't been able to sort it out. Somehow, I feel like I let everybody down today. Maybe I didn't feel a particular connection like I often do when I am with people. Interestingly, I had a moment of clarity in which I began to question if my empathy is reversed. Am I projecting my emotions as if they belong to others? That is yet to be discovered, but what I am identifying as I write this is that I need to ask myself a few questions about sorting out the emotions of today. Are the emotions I am feeling because I don't feel like I met the needs of people? Yes. Did I do my best to help? Yes. Do I think they are upset with me for not meeting those needs? Yes. Are they actually upset with me? I don't know. If they are actually upset, is that my emotion to carry? No, because I did my best. Breathe and release the weight that is not mine to carry.

I returned home and found myself exhausted, and I had left my cards out without having a chance to draw one, so I tried to think what I might reach for in my heart, but I was so tired that I couldn't really focus, so I just rested back on my intuition and picked a card. It gave these words, "Sometimes the day needs to disappear so you can sink into the lush blackness of night. Have no fear. Day will come, and you'll once again stretch and unfurl." Still, my emotions remained fragmented. I let my mind wander, and it kept bringing up images of flowers. I followed that thread and started finding new spring flower pictures for my wallpaper. In turn, I remembered my Soulflower guidebook and read a little in the spring section. What did I find? "We are reminded that without the darkness of winter to compost and rest, new growth becomes impossible."

I am finally understanding and feeling some peace, surrounded by this idea that life rises and falls like the ocean. Not all days should have all the emotional loose ends secured. There needs to be time of darkness as well as light. Our emotions cannot feel bright all the time; they need rest,

and we can learn to honor that and cherish the winter feelings.