Clean Sweep

A little over a week ago, I was describing my life to a friend. I told her that I felt like the universe just cleared my chessboard, I mean, took it and dumped all the carefully planned moves on the floor.

It's been a tumultuous couple of years with a great deal of change, and it's been unsettling at best. I have always lived within the parameters of a typical life. There are certain non-variables in life, like you have to work to make money so that you can pay bills and live, or so I thought. This season, my job of several years in a library was threatened by a superior who demanded toxic positivity. I did what anyone would do and looked for a different job, gave my notice, and transferred. While I really loved the work at my new job, an unavoidable circumstance happened, and mandatory overtime was called for the first time in twenty-five years or so. I did my best to sustain, but in the end, my mental health started to break, and I had to quit without having another job to go to for the first time in my adult life. Over three months later, I have filled out so many applications and done multiple interviews, only to be passed over time and again. The last one was the worst because I had the recommendation of three existing employees, and everyone assumed I would get the job. I literally could not have been more qualified. After that, I just let go and stopped trying so hard and am now seeking to let life flow, trusting all will be well.

Part of that release is this blog. I have wanted to have one for years, but most people I talked to were negative toward it. Now that I am teaching myself to listen to my own voice and put less stress on myself by trying to fit in with the non-neurodivergent world, I started writing, and here I am.

This morning I tackled a project to clean up a space in my house, organize, purge, and open up the area to new possibilities. Wow! It feels good. Of course, my mind processes better while doing something physical, so I was doing a lot of thinking, and it occurred to me that this may be what the universe is trying to do for me: clear out the habits and thought patterns that no longer serve my needs. Thus, I have an empty chessboard or a clean slate to make new plans.