Creating My Own Peace

Lavender carries the energies of balance and renewal. It guides us to quiet the mind and listen to our inner voice, bringing focus and easing anxiety. This humble plant teaches us that true strength can be found in calm and that even in the busiest times, we can create our own peace.

Many times, reflection, growth and wellness work so closely with each other that it's hard to tell the difference. Yesterday, I saw them work hand in hand as I implemented the strategy I set up. In my last post I had determined my next step in growth would be to begin moving away from the responsibility I have carried since childhood for other people's emotions. My intention was to begin some Guan Jing methods to release physically. Any one who knows me understands that I do not physically emote well and so, predictably, it was a slow start. However, during the day, someone sent my nervous system into emergency mode because they forced a hug on me. As an autistic person with CPTSD that is high anxiety stuff. Two things happened: I finally found the courage to say to that person that it was not ok and I am very proud of that. The other is that I went to the ice rink to coach and skate and I found that after skating I had completely calmed down. Of course I made the correlation between the physical outlet and the Guan Jing that I had not managed to do. What that told my sensory system was that if I can get my mind to help me determine to move instead of freeze I will put a lot less stress back into my body. You see, I have realized that many of my chronic conditions are due to having to survive and compact all the stress inside of me. Also, and maybe even the most important thing I learned was not to apologize for being upset and speaking out. My whole life has been a cycle of being pushed too far, erupting in defense and then feeling guilty for looking like a crazy woman. Of course, as an analytical empath, I saw the pattern and worried that I might be in a destructive cycle. But yesterday told me that I have just been surviving for so long and once I began to try and live the cycle began to reset.

The rebirth of my self has begun and I have even started trying to figure out how to add on to my house to create a safe zone for me to retreat too. Onward!!!