Stay Calm?

Have you seen the news lately? Have you looked at my life recently? Trying to just stay calm is nearly impossible. My mind wanders to Tibetan monks, and it feels like the requirement for staying calm is isolation. While I am very tempted to adopt that kind of life, not all of us can thrive in that scenario. As often happens, my imagination has built an entire environment and is walking alongside and observing this conjuration of a monk, based on the information I have collected in my life. Some of which, I'll admit, comes from the book by Dorothy Gilman called Incident in Badamya. I have a great admiration for the practices of these monks and for the peace they display, which leads to the question of how to obtain this calm in my own life.

Many times I have tried meditation and felt like I failed, and it was not until I found the busy form of meditation that I felt some positive results. I am usually collected on the outside but not remotely on the inside, as many neurodivergent people will understand, so calm simply means using all my energy to appear calm. This eventually leads to exhaustion and ultimately to the roar of the dragon. Since I am going through a growth process of finding my voice and not putting up with nonsense just to keep the peace, it seems particularly poignant. Based on my own experience, my conclusion is that staying calm should not be the focus. Calm is a byproduct of healing. Developing habits of peace requires finding your own strength first, and using anger to rise up and defend is part of that healing process. When we get to the point that we can demand people treat us with respect, that is a big step toward believing we are valuable enough to deserve it. When we isolate first, it is almost a way of confirming that we are not lovable enough for other people to value, and so therefore need to do life alone. I may isolate somewhat because I am an introvert, but for the reason of the joy I find in it, not because I feel rejected.

So, I notice that my daily interactions are much more deliberate. I have been holding back my energy and feeding it into the holes in my protective barrier instead of trying to get people to understand me. I have acknowledged that most people will not understand or respect me, and I surround myself with the few who do and stop wasting effort on the others. This removes desperation from my equation and creates security within, since I am already acceptable to myself and cannot be rejected. I now can enjoy the company of like minds, not because I need approval, but because we can walk together in friendship. Where does this leave me? Stable, and yes, Calm.