Connection

Often, when someone says the word connection we think of making a line between people. Introverts begin to panic inwardly, and many others envision the group building exercises that seem to be a trend among business leadership. Perhaps, though, the most important connection is between the fragmented pieces of ourselves. A larger percentage of us are really good at distraction and procrastination, and we try to convince ourselves that we have a good life. Our heart tells us a different story, however, and we tend to silence it with good things so that we can restore a sense of calm and vitality quickly. This daily process actually erodes our lives. This is why it is so important to allow the bottom feelings that we are quick to label as negative. We need to sit with ourselves on sluggish days or cranky days and listen to what our heart has to say instead of trying to repel those feelings as quickly as we can. As I listen to the wind rise and fall today, I am reminded that life is like this. The feelings rise and fall, but they are all still feelings just as surely as the up gusts are the same wind as the downdrafts. Re-connecting these pieces of ourselves is crucial to being in the moment, in our own space, and really experiencing the world around us, with perspective and a deep understanding of our place in it.

As a work in progress, my own life is still fragmented, but I am taking those steps forward that will bring unity and peace to my soul. Each time I choose to show up as myself instead of the version who most people will like better, takes me one thread closer to re-weaving my unique self. Often, I do not engage fully with my body and my senses. I go about my life strangely disconnected, lost in all the things that need to be done and feeling overwhelmed because of them. Two practices that are difficult for me to do are physical emotion and grounding. I know how much they help, but I lack the ability to unfreeze and enact them. Perhaps this is why the universe provided me with a love of nature and also ice skating. While planting in the garden today, I was actually practicing grounding. Ice skating is a form of dance and gives me a way to emote through my extremities.

The Guan Jing moves that I have tried so far are really freeing and wonderful, but to be very transparent, it gives me more satisfaction to complete a chore or project, so often, I put that off till later, and later never comes. Most of us deal with the inner battle of daily chores that must be done to be healthy and well, and the things that recharge our spirits. For me, I find that I need to let life flow a little more instead of trying to keep it so rigid. Just today, in my inner questions, I was analyzing why I assign chores to certain days when I know well that I do not keep to the schedule. I believe that I am trying to subconsciously spread the load out, but it ends up feeling like I am trapped. So, as I thought further, I had a "light bulb" moment. Why not have a list that is based on the natural cadence of life? I could have a list of things to be done on sunny, warm days, a list that gets done in the winter months, while another could be for rainy days. I do need lists to keep me on track, I have learned, because what is automatic to other people is not to me and it tends to feel like it is all floating around, but I can't grab on to anything. So, the lists are also a way for me to pin things down, but also make me feel overloaded. If I organized according to how my own heart understands and not how a

"super housewife" does it, perhaps I will find more peace.